Thanksgiving- a time to give thanks- a time to count your blessings- a time to spend with family and friends- the list goes on & on.  When I look back on my “memories” app- I see so many wonderful thanksgiving times for the past 9 years.  It’s nice when you can look back like that- see what you were doing on that same exact day in years past.

For me the past 9 years has included Kauai; Rome; Oahu; Sedona and then the past two years I was in full fight mode- getting chemo and just trying to survive.  This year I was supposed to be in Oahu again with my best friend- but after spending 6 days in the hospital, I had no PTO left at work and really no money to spend relaxing on the beaches.  But on the flip side- I got to spend some quality time with my grand daughter and her husband as well as my son, his girlfriend.  We had our “thanksgiving” on Friday and had a wonderful dinner with Honey Baked Ham.  Spent some time relaxing, visiting and then went to the movies as a family- and I did not miss Hawaii at all.

My bestie has her two daughters with her- so she is getting quality time and memories as well- so we both scored by my illness.

Today I had to go give the blood for my three month checkup and I don’t know if it is because I have been in the hospital so many times since August or if it is just because I am so close to my one year cancer free anniversary- but this blood work really has me anxious.  I think back on my mom and her journey with ovarian cancer and remember that she was not in remission for long- so it always makes me a bit uneasy to be fighting this same fight knowing she lost her battle.

I have many blessings- I have an amazing job- I work with truly outstanding people that love me and respect me as I do them- I have an overwhelming abundance of friends all over the U.S. through insurance as well as through photography- and I have the best family a person could possibly have.  But in the days after the blood work- I always go to a bit of a dark place- where I wonder if the fight will need to start again and how bad will this time be?

Cancer changes you- it changes you in ways you just can’t explain to others- and the sisterhood or kinship you have with other cancer survivors or when you see someone at the store or coffee shop and you know they are in the middle of their battle- the knowing look- the smile you give them- they know you have fought that battle to.

So for now, I pray, I wait, hope, and go on with the rest of my weekend.


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